My Approval Addiction + Adoption = A Challenge (but a GOOD one)

I would love to say that I don't care what others say... what other's think...  Well, unfortunately, saying that would be a big, fat, lie.  I mean, I don't feel too badly about that because most people do care - at least somewhat... 

Even worse, though, I have to admit that I not only care what others say and think - but even what they DON'T say and think.  Poor people, it's not hard to get in trouble when you are dealing with my mind, sometimes! 

So, with that confession out there, I'll move ahead ...  One consequence of choosing adoption that I had not fully prepared myself for (or at least not enough for it to not still hurt some) was that choice's challenge to my concern about other's opinion of myself and my family.  And, we are only just beginning the process!!!!  (Yikes!)  But, I already I have found that I interpret (or misinterpret) quietness or silence on the part of others (family or close friends) as disapproval.  I tell myself that they think what we are doing is a terrible idea.  That they think that it is irresponsible to go out on a limb to follow "a calling" when we financially don't have the means to do so. 

I interpret (again, maybe -hopefully?- probably?-  mistakenly so) a "wow" in response to the travel plans as an "oh my gosh, I cannot believe you would ever consider leaving your (will be) 4 and 2 1/2 year old children behind for 2 weeks while you travel across the world!"

I know, when I am logical, that these two issues are the ones that I have the most insecurity about - at least at this time in the adoption process - raising the funds and leaving my girls.  So, it makes sense that these are the things that I would struggle with the most about peoples' opinions regarding them.  Luckily, too, I can also realize that, for the most part, this is MY issue. 

There are some nice things about this.  One thing is that God is meeting me here, right where I am.  About a month ago, we had a message at church about "Approval Addiction" - right about when we started telling people about our plan to adopt and my very own approval addiction was starting to rear its ugly head.  Hmm... Coincidence -I think not!  In fact, nothing about the last 9 months or so has been coincidental.  Wearing make-up to church since about October has been a very bad plan because I have ended up, week after week, completely in tears because of how very strongly God has been giving us this calling (and for awhile I felt so unwilling, unable, and unworthy to accept it).  Whenever I give Him the chance, He calms my fears about it ALL.  This last Sunday, we traveled to Indianapolis to visit family and we attended my sister-in-law and brother-in-law's church.  I was in a little bit of a nervous funk - worrying again- this time primarily about leaving the kids (in a year).  And, guess what the pastor spoke about?  You got it - ADOPTION.  He talked about the fact that we have been given a spiritual adoption when we become God's children and that he will not leave us as ORPHANS!!!  Yep, I just never learn my lesson about mascara in church! : )

Another positive  thing about this is that it is not swaying me/us from our decision.  Not any whatsoever.  It's just causing me a little more angst than necessary and giving God a chance to work on another area of my life - my approval addiction! 

Finally, another positive thing is that God has given me a few family members and friends who have been very clear in their support of what we are doing.  They have met me at my insecurities and said the things I've needed to hear (like the fact that they will help with my girls when we're gone, that NO ONE (or a very select few) can afford adoption on their own, and that God will bless this obedience). 

So, all that being said, I am going to come out and say what I have avoided saying in a very outright way before now...  We need HELP making this adoption happen.  So far, we have made a payment to our placing (international) agency of about $4000.00.  We have also paid $200.00 to our home study agency and will very soon be making another payment to that local agency of $1500.  After we complete our home study in the next couple of months, we will make another payment of about $4000 to the placing agency.  It is all beginning to feel due very quickly and we are just getting started!  The total cost for the adoption will be around $30,000.

We humbly ask that you consider helping us financially, if you feel moved to do so.  Every little bit of help will truly add up and we are so appreciative!  There is a DONATE button at the top of the blog if you feel led to contribute and if you have friends or family that you think may be willing and able to help, please feel free to share our blog with them. 

I have also made mention on Facebook of a couple of fundraisers we have in the works.  Chick-Fil-A is going to host a Spirit Night on June 27 during which they will contribute 15% of all purchases between 5 and 8 PM made by families who have one of our fliers.  I will put a link to our fliers on the blog, as well.  We would love to have as many people attend as possible!  Chick-Fil-A says that their most successful Spirit Nights typically raise about $250-$500 for organizations.   

Also, an adoptive mom named Stacy Richards has designed and created a special necklace symbolizing our adoption journey.  She knows what it is like to fund raise for adoptions, as she has been through the experience herself many times.  This amazing lady hand-stamps each and every necklace one-at-a-time personally and makes these necklaces without taking any profit (in between carrying for and home-schooling her 9 children, by the way!).  She will contributes $12 from each necklace sale to our adoption fund.  You can find a link to our necklace fundraiser on our blog, as well.  

Later this summer, exact date in mid-July TBD, we plan to have a garage sale as an adoption benefit, as well.  If you feel the need to clear out your house and were planning on donating the items, we would gladly accept them for our sale.  Please get in touch with me if you have anything you'd like to part with - we'd be happy to come pick it up.  You can email me here.

I can't say enough how much I appreciate so many kind words from family and friends who have already been so encouraging to us on our journey.  And, no, I didn't make this post about my approval addiction to ask for more encouraging words! : )  More so, just to call myself out on it and to work to overcome it! 

Our Eyes Have Been Opened!

Jeremy and I have learned a lot in the past few months in the research we've been doing as we considered embarking on the adoption journey.  

"Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do.  God, who weights our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act." Prov. 24:12

We'd love to share some facts with you and dispel some myths, as well (i.e. get out your notebooks and pens - it's school time!).

Here are a few facts we have learned about the need for international adoption:

WorldOrphans.org estimates over 153 MILLION orphans worldwide! By 2015, it is estimated that there will be 400 million orphans worldwide!

UNICEF estimates that there are over 50 million orphaned children in China alone.  

The number of completed international adoptions has decreased by 50 percent since 2008.  About 8500 international adoptions took place in 2012 and this number drops each year - while MILLIONS of children wait.  

Take a look at the trailer for the documentary “STUCK” which explains the tragedy of millions of children who are stuck in their birth countries due to bureaucracy and inefficiency of government policies.  It’s heartbreaking!  An organization called Both Ends Burning is working to end this bureaucratic red tape so that children can come home to their families.  

It’s a truth many don’t know:  Kids die in these orphanages. 

Internationally, children "age out" of the orphanage system between the ages of 13-15 with nothing to their name.  They have no family, no resources.  They are out on the street.  

Jeremy and I have also discovered that there are many things that we (and many others) thought were true that are actually myths:

I assumed that international adoption was far more expensive than domestic adoption.  Actually, though, their costs can be very similar.  The majority of domestic newborn adoptions cost between $20,000 and $40,000.  Currently, the average international adoption costs approximately $28,000.  Our adoption from China will likely cost right around that average.    

Another common myth I believed is that I wrongly thought that (especially in China) there were far more girls waiting for families than boys.  I know that many others think this to be true, as well.  It is the most common surprised reaction we get when we talk about our adoption.  People often respond, “It must be very hard to get a boy! I didn’t think China had any boys available for adoption!”

According to Rainbow Kids, an international adoption online magazine which contains photo listings of children internationally who are waiting for families, one of the biggest “special needs” a child may face is being born a boy. 

On Rainbow Kids currently, there are 932 boys waiting and 581 girls.

Another myth is that international adoption has to take years and years.  It is always a very involved process and probably always longer than most would like, but some believe that it will take 5 or 6 years to adopt a child internationally.  With regard to China, this can be true if wanting to adopt a healthy female child. 

In China, 90-98% of the children being abandoned are children with medical needs, so the number of these children waiting for families is much higher.  

On Rainbow kids right now, there are 75 children under the age of 2 years old  - all boys - who could be adopted in 14 months or less to qualified families.  These children have special needs which range from mild to severe.  Some only need medical treatment or surgery which they may not receive until they are adopted.  Once they receive the treatment they need, they may be healthy children. 

We have been told that our process should be about 12 months start to finish.  This is primarily because we are interested in adopting a boy, are open to special needs, and are working with a smaller agency and therefore have fewer people “in line” ahead of us. (We are prepared that we could run into delays and that this time frame could change but we have had the opportunity to talk with several families online who were successful with falling into the ‘about a year’ time frame).  

We would be happy to share more information or answer any questions that we can about international adoption.  Of course, we are certainly still learning ourselves – and probably will be forever!  : )